It feels so good to love... But it also requires a mountain of sacrifice, patience, understanding, faith, and devotion. Maybe that is the reason why when love is geniune, it feels so good. Because you have put up a lot in exchange of it.
It's more than a year now that I've been holding on to someone I haven't even met in person. Someone I never even seen on cam, just picutures. Sometimes I ask myself how I am able to cope with this and faithfully hold on. Maybe, I am convinced that this is true or perhaps I am afraid I will never ever find something that can measure up to this. His love is so ideal. From my own point of view, I could never ask for more but to be at his side 'till my last breath on earth. I know i still can live without him but it's here now and my only choice is to stay where I am. Not because it's what fate nor pride dictates. It's because it's what my heart and soul is crying for.
If time comes that I will just end up hurting, I don't even know what to think anymore. I dedicated my life to this person and although I am flawed, I know I am the one deserving of him. I know I wouldn't want end my life if even that happens, I am just worried how I am going to recover from a very serious heartache. Something, I put more than my life into is not very easy for me to get away from.
He always tells me there is a reward for us. But not all lovers get their rewards... Some great love stories are full of pain and tears. Full of sacrifice and bitter end. I don't want my life to be as tragic as those stories were. Nobody else could ever want that.
There are times I want to cry... I want to be alone... But being alone doesn't solve it. It only makes it more difficult for me. Many times I am tempted to do something but God is good to help me get my way out of it.
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